When You're Really Ready - 5 Mindset Hacks To Find Love
#1 Get Lucky
Start to consider yourself a lucky person. An intuitive person. A person who just “has a feeling” that turns out to be right. If you have a challenge, celebrate your ability to handle it. Be grateful it wasn’t worse. Consider yourself LUCKY it wasn’t worse.
I find cash on the street all the time. If you search #queenoffoundmoney on Instagram, you’ll find pics of a sampling of my found money. I wasn’t on Instagram when I found $1,000 cash on the sidewalk, or one of the few times I can recall finding a $50 bill. (Once while I was driving and spotted it on the road!) People always say to me “how does this always happen to you?” How it happens for me is by expecting it to happen. Looking down periodically while I walk down the street because I expect it to happen. Snapping a photo and creating my own Instagram hashtag is how it happens.
Serendipity is a magical force in the universe and luckily for us, you can court it. Expecting lucky things to happen and getting really excited when they do is all you need to do to put luck to work for you.
#2 Treat Love Like A Verb
Love is most often thought of as a feeling. When you say “I love John” you mean you feel love for him. Love as a feeling is great, but it’s only half the story. Feelings change. When you’re furious at John, are you overwhelmed with feelings of love, no matter how much you love him? Probably not.
Love as a verb means treating love as a choice - an immutable one. If you treat love as a verb - as an action, as something you do, you convey and experience love on a deeper level. Writing John a heartfelt letter of encouragement while you’re mad at him is an ACT OF LOVE. You are choosing to do the loving thing, even in a moment where your feeling of love is nowhere to be found.
If you’ve been in a relationship (romantic or otherwise) with someone who says they love you while also treating you badly, you understand the power of doing love. How empty an “I love you” is without the action to back it up.
Most people treat acting in a loving way as something that happens after you have feelings of love towards someone. “Love your neighbor” doesn’t mean having feelings of love in your heart for all of humankind. It means treating your neighbors with love - not harming them, looking out for their well-being, treating them with respect and kindness, even when you disagree.
Begin to regularly ask yourself in your dealings with other people “Am I doing the loving thing right now?” The more challenging the moment, the harder (and more important) it will be to take stock. Choosing love more often than not will completely rewire your connections with other people and make you a bigger love magnet than ever.
# 3 Write down your love vision
Write down your love vision - not a list of the characteristics of who you want to meet - a vision of your relationship together. Write down what it feels like between you - how you feel when you’re with this person. What do you share together? What is your life like?
When you look at what you’ve written, you should feel an emotional connection to it. If it doesn’t give you a warm, fuzzy feeling, then re-write it until it does.
Once your vision is down on paper (actual paper recommended), keep it by your bedside or somewhere you can see it every day. Read it, close your eyes and envision it. Stick with this practice every day until the vision feels real, and then until you’ve manifested it into reality.
#4 Start Wishing Differently
I hear a lot of single people say things like “I just want someone to do things with” or “I just want someone who isn’t crazy” or “I just want to meet someone already.”
None of these statements sound negative at first blush, but what they are indicative of is a frustrated, pessimistic mindset. That is not a love-attracting mindset, but rather a love-blocking one.
To re-write these common pessimistic thoughts when they pop into your head or out of your mouths, try saying instead: “I’m ready for a partner who shares my interests and has a compatible lifestyle” or “I can’t wait to meet the person who’s ready and available for the same relationship I want” or “I’m open to receive my ideal, complementary partnership.”
It might sound like new-age semantics, but it’s not. Our thoughts have power. Ultimate power over us, as they guide all of our actions. If you accept that an abused child who thinks repeatedly “no one loves me” is impacted by that thought, or that a champion athlete who repeatedly thinks “if I work hard, I will win” is impacted by that thought, then you must accept that your thoughts also impact your reality.
Most of our thoughts are on an endless loop in our minds. By identifying the thoughts you don’t want, distancing yourself from them when they pop-up (Oh, I’m thinking this old crap again) and choosing a new thought instead will change your life. And your love life.
#5 Be the CEO of your emotional state
All too often we ride the tide of emotion based on what others say or do towards us or other people. A trip to check Facebook can fall off the rails into a negative emotional spiral.
“He/she/they/everyone made me feel X.” Here’s a newsflash: no one can make you feel anything. If a stranger walked up to you on the street and said “I never really loved you” you would feel one way (most likely, confused). If your mother called you up and said the same thing - well, needless to say you’d probably have a stronger reaction.
Nothing anyone else says or does makes us feel or do anything - we always have a choice. You didn’t work the weekend because your boss said you had to - you worked the weekend because you chose keeping your boss happy over the repercussions if you said no.
Same goes for your emotional state. Now, of course we are not robots and we are interconnected to other people and it makes us human to choose to let the words and experiences of others impact our feelings. BUT when your feelings are getting derailed, and you’re not able to stay in a positive, love-attracting mindset, it’s up to you to get your emotions back on track. You’re the boss, and it’s up to you to act like it.
You might need help doing that at times, but it’s up to you to get the help you need. CEOs are in charge, but they have a lot of people who support them. It might come from a friend, a therapist or counselor, a spiritual mentor or even a coach like me. No matter what form, that is awesome so long as its healthy and works for you.
I recommend assembling an “emotional toolbox” that you can turn to when times are tough. It might contain practices, readings, journals, works of art or go-to pick-me-up activities. Don’t wait until you’re feeling off-kilter to scramble to get yourself out of an emotional hole. Write down what you’ll do when you’re feeling down, and add to the list as more tools occur to you.
Keep your head right and love will find you!
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